Traveler

11 10 2007

by Janice Pinnock

I’ve always been a traveler, though not always that far from home. In the last fifteen years of my life, I have spent more time away from home than I have actually inhabiting it. Sometimes, I wonder if I don’t escape from home, simply for the hope that I might miss it. Home has provided me with a place to rest my head, and to partake in a meal, but seldom to experience love, understanding and enlightenment. Perhaps this is why I seek to travel, they say absence makes the heart grow fonder.

What a shock it was to me to arrive in Korea, and realize that this recent traveling expedition has really and finally done it! I’m so far now…that I can’t just jump home, even if I wanted to. In addition to being hung by my contract, I am also hung by my relationships to people and to a church. Had I thought this possible before I packed up my bags, with a quick independent kiss to my brand new husband before boarding the plane? Absolutely not! Being that seasoned traveler, without any particular attachments to “home,” I assumed this would be a similar situation. I assumed it would confirm my independence from people, and to place, and that really, although I would miss him, I’d be okay. I’ve always been okay.

But here I am, completely defunct of that former confidence I had percieved. Being lonely takes on new meaning. Missing a human being reaches new heights. Tears of frustration as the days drag by add levels of sadness I never imagined possible. I found home, with a brand new husband, and left it there, in search of something untangible. So, where do I turn? Who do I look to?

Fortunately for me, I found God in Korea. Or shall I say, I rekindled our relationship. I realize that he brought me here without my realization. In my mind it was just another trip, in God’s mind, it must have been the “ultimate trip.” It was a trip to learning about myself, learning about God, learning about people, and learning about the power that God holds in his hands. My loneliness is cured when I remember that the Lord is watching me, tapping me on the shoulders and saying, “let’s go have an ice cream and cheer up.” My sadness is quelled when God cathes my tears and reminds me to close my eyes and share my tearful prayers with him. My thoughts of missing people are removed when God reminds me that if he can exist inside me always, then certainly a few thousand miles cannot separate me from those I love. And, when I’m frustrated God reminds me that my frustration is nothing quite like the one he experienced on the cross. He gently probes me during the times when I feel lost, and I can’t help but be humbled by his ability to change my feelings instantly.

So on this journey I’ve traveled closer to home. My eternal home that is, and I am happy, because if I can feel His grace in my saddest moments, I can hardly wait for my homecoming in the sky.

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